Thursday, April 3, 2008

Countdown - The truth behind the atrocity revealed

I imagine this is how Countdown got green signalled. All names are indicative but they are probably true judging from the said names' past records.

Mike Carlin(MC) - You know, I still don't get how 52 sold so much. It didn't even happen in the present. How can something sell that is not happening in the present. Continuity. They need continuity. Continuity is law. Continuity.

Matt Idelson(MI) - Yeah, beats me.

MC - .........

MI - Wait, doesn't it happen like one week in each issue. They do like, each day of the week, so the reader feels like continuity is happening. So its pseudo-continuity.

MC - Wow, thats it. Pseudo-continuity. Well, we'll do continuity cause continuity beats pseudo-continuity every time.

MI - Yeah. You are a genius man.

MC - I know. Isn't that stupid Morrison doing that big series. Final Crisis. Stupid Morrison. He doesn't even care about the fine line of continuity. He writes stupid series like Animal Man. Who's stupid enough to write himself into the series. Thats against continuity rules.And Final Crisis. As if its going to be final.(Chuckles) When I fix continuity again, there will be another crisis. Cause thats what Crises are for. Continuity.

MI - You are a genius.

MC - I know, I know. So we do a Countdown to that series which will be ----- wait for it ------- Weekly. And because its now continuity not pseudo - contnuity, it will sell bazillions of issues, and I'll get promoted again, and Dan DiDio will get fired.

MI - You'll promote me too, right.

MC - Absoloutely. You are my bestest pal. I'll make you head of them all, just under me.

MI - Wow, thanks.

MC - Anyway, we'll use all the characters that Morrison is gonna use, and make them cool. Like you know. Mary Marvel, we'll make her hot, all black like Spiderman. And we'll show her panties in every issue.

MI - You are a genius man.

MC - I know. And Jason Todd. He's cool you know. He got killed because of phone calls. But he was the best Robin. He killed people not like those lousy other Robins.

MI - And Kyle Rayner. I love Kyle Rayner. And the monitors, I love monitors. They look cool.

MC - Yeah and them too. We'll write all of it. And they'll sell bazillions.

MI - But we can't credit ourselves. We are humble, aren't we.

MC - Yeah, I am very humble. I won't take credit even though this is going to sell bazillions. Get me that list of all the DC Exclusives. I'll close my eyes and whoever I put my finger on will be the lucky ones.

MI - Yeah(Brings the list, and MC uses his magic fingers)

MC - We got 'em.

MI - You are a genius man.

MC - I know. Now lets pitch it to DiDio, he can't not do this. This is genius.


At DiDio's office.

DiDio - Yeah

MC - We got a proprosal for a new comic.

DiDio - Yeah

MC - Its a weekly

DiDio - Weekly. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee



MC - See, I told you. In one year, when this is over, I'll take over.

MI - You are a genius. You know, your genius inspired me. I have a proposal too.

MC - Yeah, tell me.

MI - How about, like, all the Amazons attacked America.

MC - Genius.


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